come here boy

besides my fav current song from ms. heap , this title suggests my recent mindset.
you see, my boy's name is ray.
i cannot seem to get enough.  i have this need to see him daily, increasing with everyday spent without him.  i feel so comfortable when i'm with him.  i realized that i do not like waking up with out him next to me.  i also realized that i have "side." of the bed that is.  when i'm here at home, alone, i seem to start the night on my side of the bed (the right) but end up on his, wihshing he was there. recently i've woken up thinking he was here when he wasn't, which thouroughly disturbed me.
you see, this makes me think that i am really falling in love? i question mark that because i'm still unsure.
when was the last time i said "i love you"? not too often, but too often enough not to be reutrned & not that long ago.
maybe i'm just scared of the phrase. maybe i'm just realizing that not every one is fucked up like my past.  maybe i'm just scared that it's going somewhere that i'm not used to. something normal.  i feel this to be strange yet very warming.
i'm becoming domesticated.  hell, i even ironed for him this morning. you know i love ironing so i don't mind.
now how is it i can say that i love this action (ironing) yet i cannot say that i love this other action (loving him)?
do i just need to say it aloud? get it out in the open? is it the possible non-reciopacting act that i'm scared of? do i need to ask? am i being a girl? does he think of these things? do others? why so many questions?

isn't there a manual for things like this?